I started with 167 200 words in Dragon Wine. I’m now below 130 000 words. Wohoo! As a reminder, I had feedback from an editor, the lovely Marco, who had seen Dragon Wine but didn’t pick it up. I was lucky enough to chat with him about it. The crucial point—it needed cutting back, particularly the story should be about what happens and not how the characters got there.
I learned a few things along the way and I thought these may be useful to some of you.
I started writing Dragon Wine in 2004, originally as a short story. However, it didn’t work as a short story. No one seemed to get the point of it. However, I got lovely feedback about it. At this time, Varuna were running the HarperCollins MS development awards. I had about 25 000 words down so I sent them in. To my surprise I made the long list. I thought ‘wow’ this might be good. The next year the awards came again. I wrote a bit more and sent it in. I made the long list again. I recall telling Peter Bishop that Dragon Wine was written because of the encouragement I received from being long-listed.
I only wrote when the competition was looming. At that time, I was putting together the Australian Speculative Fiction: A genre overview, editing The Grinding House by Kaaron Warren and running an SF convention. I think, also, my relationship was rocky and I was working as well as growing grapes. I don’t seem to do things by halves.
The point of this reminiscing is to say that at the time I didn’t know why it was good. I didn’t know how to make it better. All I knew was that I had cracked something I’d been trying to crack for years. I went on to be short-listed in the Varuna MS Development awards, but not chosen. I also won a longlines fellowship and had 2 weeks at Varuna to work on my MS. In the weeks prior to that retreat, I wrote my car off, broke my thumb in the accident, broke my relationship (I didn’t see the other car but I had a long look at my life). I had been a second or two from being annihilated. However, despite the turmoil, I had a good two weeks and revised the MS. Back in the day, my author friends were writing door stopper fantasies so I was aiming for that length. Things have changed.
Now it is nearly 2012, and I know so much more about writing. The submissions reading for Angry Robot gave me great insights. Not looking at the MS for a well over a year, nearly two, also gave me a sense of distance and objectivity. The editing course as well. (there are some key commas missing in my ms). Another key factor is that publishers are looking for shorter books, particularly from first-time novelists.
So what did I learn?
There had to be a reason for what I was writing, a reason for the scene. World-building is not enough. I found I wrote scenes to give me a chance to showcase the world. When I asked the question what is happening here, how important is it? I found that it wasn’t necessary or could be covered elsewhere. Snip!
The bridging scenes showing how some characters went from here to there. Nothing really happens. Not what is promised in any case. Just some adventure, some character exploration and zip. Snip.
Verbose descriptions. I took way too long to say things. I came back through and could literally delete every second sentence, sometimes whole paragraphs. Snip!
Dialogue that was way too polite and detailed for an action scene where people were running for their lives. Snip. Rewritten to short, half-finished sentences in keeping with the scene.
Bad guy’s point of view shots, which had been written during a revision. Snip! Amazingly this didn’t affect the story line. (This is because I added them much later and the story already worked).
Way too much thinking and repetitive examination of issues by some characters. (They were annoying me). Snip!
At times, too much description of landscapes and items. Still kept some for flavour, but could see where it was too overdone.
That might seem like a small list, but you know it is a good list. One thing does concern me. The feedback I got at Varuna was that there was a lovely pace to the story. I’ve hacked that to bits now. I’m doing a read through, highlighting things to polish. The pace is different now. Faster, leaner.
I like the feel of it now. The story is still the same. I’ve tinkered with the plot slightly but for the better. I’m amazed at how much I took out and it is still the same story. I cut over 37 000 words from it.
The process took a lot longer than it should have. That’s life getting in the way. My hands are in bad shape from writing a report at work for a few months. I have swelling in my elbow and achy hands. I am only managing to write this blog before I go away on a writers’ retreat to New Zealand. I haven’t set myself goals on the retreat, because I don’t know if I can type day after day. I have a few more days while we tour NZ before starting the retreat to rest my hands. I’m hoping it will be enough.
Anyhow we’ll be blogging here fantasywritersonretreat.wordpress.com
Come along and catch up with our antics in Keri Keri. Participating are Kylie Seluka, Russell Kirkpatrick, Matthew Farrer, Nicole Murphy, Ian McHugh and Trudi Canavan (for a week), along with Paul who is not writing.
Donna Maree Hanson, Author, Phd in Creative Writing 