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Posts Tagged ‘Tinder’

I checked out Smart Bitches Trashy Books podcast because I’m in between ebooks. I’ve been catching up with a lot of blog casts lately! I caught up on a whole year of Champagne and Socks-easy because they are short (about ten minutes) and Alisa missed a number due to health issues (not nice but it did make catching up easy).

So I listened to a pod cast with Amanda (also from Smart Bitches) and it was about Amanda’s sex life. You know that thing people have and her being younger and using Tinder was really very interesting. Sarah’s contrast with what is actually happening with young women (admittedly not all, but some) and what is in a romance novel was a case in point. The majority of romance readers don’t like female leads that sleep around and definitely not while dating the hero. It is also frowned upon for a man to sleep around once romancing the female hero.

This got me thinking-why is this so? My own reaction is similar to those ‘readers of romance’ and why do I feel that way?  I guess for me I’m a result of my culture and upbringing. I am formed by early religious teachings-I was brought up a catholic with Presbyterian and Baptist influences. Although I’m not religious at all now not for many, many years, the influence remains.  I was also growing up in a time when woman’s role was very traditional- man and home focussed. The girls older than me got birthday and Christmas gifts for their glory box. I remember someone explaining that a glory box was the Manchester you took with you when you got married. So girls at 15 and older would get sheets, crockery, towels and household stuff to put away for when they got married.  Then women’s lib and Bob’s your uncle. World changed.

There was also a very strong focus on virginity, and if you lost that well you lost something of value and that was be shared with the ‘one’. I know it’s an old story right. I know that stuffed me up mentally for many years. That’s another story.

What this amounts to is that I’m conditioned to feel a particular way. I recognise that. Separating the conditioning from how I actually feel is hard. If young girls are equal to men then they should be able to initiate sex, have sex without commitment just like men have always done. Here, here…that’s just right. Why does it make me quake at the thought?

Sarah raised a question in the podcast—what then becomes special about the person you are with in a romantic sense? What makes them special if you have slept with so many partners? This raises questions for me too, like is sex now transactional if removed from emotion, connection and commitment? Are these questions pre- programmed into me? It’s scary. You really should listen to the podcast (link below).

Generally, I have no problem how people want to conduct their sex lives. I am happy for people to be free as long as they don’t hurt others. They have a freedom I don’t. I’m a serial monogamist. That’s the way I am. Basically, I’m too old to change that . However, this podcast certainly gave me insight into my daughters and the world they are living in, what they face day to day.

So I thoroughly recommend this podcast for romance readers and those of you who are mothers and want some insight into their reality.

The second podcast I listened to was from Nerdette and it was an interview with Caitlin Moran, whom I have never heard of previously but who is absolutely fascinating. Her interview looks at feminism and popular culture and how strong pop culture is in getting the message out there. I liked Moran’s Feminist self-assessment test.

Put your hand in your pants. Do you have a vagina? Yes, do you want to control it? Then you’re a feminist.

She also has a tea towel with the five rules of feminism. 1. Women are equal to men. 2. Don’t be a dick. 3. That’s all.

Moran mentions a fifth wave of feminism and I’m like what happened to the fourth wave? And I’m trying to get to grips with the third wave. Yet, I like her simplistic attitude. No dictating what people should wear, what their opinions must be, just cool. I’m with that.

Podcast links. N. 172  Smart Bitches

Nerdette

Caitlin Moran link

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