I have been putting this post off for a while. At first the grief was too raw. Then it was too hard to bear so shutting it away where I couldn’t see it or feel it seemed a better option.
It’s been nearly a month since he passed. I can’t believe it has been that long or that time passed so quickly.
I first met Russell on line. Back in the day, Harper Collins Voyager had a online bulletin board, cutely named the ‘Purple Zone’ and there readers could interact with authors, well those that chose to hang out. It was moderated by F8, who is still knocking around somewhere. The purple zone was one of the places where I let people now about Conflux in 2004, the Australian National Science Fiction Convention that was held in Canberra that I was chair of. A number of the people on there became friends in real life. Obviously Russell was one of those.
Russell had just had Across the Face of the World published in 2004 and I was heading to NZ for a family trip. I reached out to Russell and we met up in Hamilton. He’d not long moved there from Christchurch and was planning on building a house and was working at the University of Waikato. I mean in those days, you could meet people from the Internet, just saying! Russell, me and my two daughters and younger son met up. We went to Hobbiton. In those days it was a ruin, but there were still some things to see, remains of hobbit holes, the party tree and stories. Russell took us to his favourite fish and chip place in nearby Matamata. And I encouraged him to come to Conflux, offered accommodation etc.
Link It is still in print apparently.
The purple zone was where I met and befriended Glenda Larke as well. I visited her in Malaysia back then.
So Russell came to Conflux and then also started attending writing retreats. First one was Yackandandah, the next Metung and more. In those days, Trudi C and Paul came along, and besties Kylie and Nicole. We also used to chat online in real time in the Harper Collins Voyager hosted chat room, then later when they closed that, on Yahoo chat.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, Kylie and Russell began to correspond and fall in love. At this time, I had started going out with Matthew. Kylie moved to New Zealand to be with Russell. They hosted a writing retreat at this lovely home in Keri Keri and then later moved back to Australia.
I think that’s when we settled into a groove. We had weekend writing retreats, dinners, hung out, talked. Russell was always a good listener and supporter. I remember when I started my Phd, he had doubts but he supported me and listened to me as I raved on about philosophers and writing academically and the challenges of doing a PhD. You really did need to be a self starter. Russell was also a cartographer and did some maps for me for Dragon Wine and Argenterra. He also did a few workshops on maps–showing us weird historical maps, how cultural and religious imperatives governed maps and more. He also was a music buff and did a presentation at one of the Conflux’s on science and music and how music had been optimistic about the future and science and then how it turned negative. Absolutely fascinating. Russell was also mad about Lego and his collection was amazing. I don’t know how he did all the things. For the first while when he moved to Australia, he wasn’t working much but then he got an opportunity to tutor at the University of Canberra and then ended up over the years running courses as that’s what he had trained to do. He excelled at teaching and loved it. He did like to lecture but I loved finding out stuff from him. Anyway, we were buddies and his friendship network grew in Canberra. Nicole M, Shauna, Kim, Cat, Rob, Angie and Ian and lots more. He was loved and respected.
Did I mentioned he liked to lecture! But always in a nice way I thought. He was the font of all knowledge as far as I was concerned. He was also handy and would come to help with things around the house. We even went half in a whipper snipper back in the day when we first bought our places.
The hardest thing was Covid 19. That changed things a lot. Russell had medical anxiety even before then so it was harder to connect with Russell during and after Covid. However, we did, even it if was one lone birthday dinner and cake. In the time he was in Canberra, his son came to live and met his partner and had a kid and Russell became related to Cat and Rob. Lol. I love this. They also grew close too.
I think on Russell and Kylie and their life together and I feel that Russell’s life was enriched and so was Kylie’s. They had good times together. Kylie had the knack of getting people to talk and she definitely had Russell talking about his feelings. They made a beautiful house together, full of warmth and joy. It is Kylie who my thoughts are with the most. All of his closest friends are suffering and mourning him. But Kylie was his partner, the person who knew him best. And Russell would want us all to support her and look after her. Love you, Kylie!
So what happened you might ask. Russell was fit, teaching, cycling, and enjoying life until he had symptoms of pneumonia. He said to me the antibiotics are working and that he was on his second round. The doctor then thought to test for lung cancer. Meanwhile, Russell started feeling unwell, just odd things and Kylie would take him to the ER. Eventually he got admitted after a few visits as things weren’t right. I talked to Russell in the hospital and he was so anxious about his health he could not eat. He had cancer but didn’t know what type. They did a scan and it was in his lungs, liver, spleen, hip etc. I talked to him another day and they had taken him for a brain scan and it was in his brain and that was his worst fear. His intellect was under threat, his life was in the balance. When they sequenced the biopsy, it was melanoma. He was slated for immunotherapy and there was hope.
Meanwhile, I had trouble sleeping. I kept worrying that Russell’s illness was too far gone, that he didn’t have time for treatment. Sadly, this is what happened. I saw him after the first treatment and Russell was laid out by it. He said, the trouble is Donna, the untreated me is not very well. He went back into hospital and then every day more bad news. By 26 June, he was gone. A few short weeks and he was gone. So many tears over his passing.
His mob, his friends, we just needed to be together with other people who understood our loss. We ate New Zealand lollies and toasted Russell with Coke Zero, his drink of choice.
Now as I’m in Singapore, I will miss his memorial. There wasn’t a funeral as was his wish. I loved Russell as a friend and I will miss him. I thought he would be giving the eulogy at my funeral. He was a year younger than me. But life is not fair. Cancer is not fair.
Is there anger? Yes, there is rage against the unfairness of this. Why some people get time to live with cancer, maybe even get into remission. Alas, our friend Russell was not one of these.
I try to imagine that Russell is here somewhere. Not gone. Just elsewhere. It is my coping mechanism. All I could do on the day he died was dedicate The Founders’ Legacy to him as I was launching it on the day he died.
He was a stalwart friend of the keenest mind. I am better for knowing you Russell.
An older photo from when I launched one of his books at a NZ SF convention in Auckland. It was my early days with Matthew and the start of his life with Kylie. So an old photo!
Donna Maree Hanson, Author, Phd in Creative Writing 