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Sometimes you think you are unproductive and you’re not

March 14, 2021 by donnamareehanson

I keep thinking that I’ve been doing this PHD for years and I haven’t written anything creative in ages. That’s a big fat lie!

In the early years of my PhD I put out a lot of books. I also republished books that I had received the rights back from publishers. I call bull on my thinking there.

Then, you know this is a creative writing PhD that I’m doing and I have written a novel. Isn’t a novel a creative piece of work? Well, yes, I say, it is. It may not be published yet but that does not mean it doesn’t exist.

That doesn’t count, part of my brain says…but what about that short story you wrote last year and that was published in late December? Mmmm???

I wrote a short story! I was productive! Evidence.

Okay I’m not productive all the time….right…and maybe I have high expectations…maybe I look on jealously as friends launch books and post about word counts…

I am too hard on myself. I often thing my kids are harsh critics of me, but I think I err. I am my harshest critic!

I do have manuscripts that are sitting there waiting for the final run through…They stick like a knife between my shoulder blades, sending their angry, neglected thoughts into my skin. I will get to them.

Anyway….about that short story. Crash Baby appears in Unnatural Order, an anthology published by CSFG publishing and edited by Alis Franklin and Lyss Wickramasinghe. The premise of the anthology was to write in a non-human voice or from a non-human perspective. Crash Baby is written from the perspective of a maintenance robot. The story was inspired by my new baby granddaughter and the long hours where I helped care for her in her first year. I also have lots of robot story ideas….I feel a collection coming on one day.

A first for me is that I share the Table of Contents with my partner Matthew Farrer who wrote about monster love. Here is the blurb!

Is an unlikely friendship enough to save a human and a voidbeast?
Can a robot’s heart be broken?
What happens to the demons when all the humans are gone?
Can dishonest hearts find peace?

By all accounts a very good line up so go check it out.

Unnatural Order

Posted in A writer's life, am wrinting, Australian author, Book launch, Publication news | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Change like a punch in the face

February 23, 2021 by donnamareehanson

It is not possible to fight change. you have to roll with the punches. One minute you think you are heading this way and the next something alters, a new path arises and whammo, your future looks different.

I can’t really talk specifically about this change because while it affects me it’s not my news. We were going to refiniance and borrow heaps of $$$$ to renovate our house. We were almost there to signing when something changed and now we aren’t going through with it. I’m not upset or annoyed. We will be fine, but it does mean some short term stress to effect a positive change in our lives.

My partner is a writer. He gets paid and he has been writing while I’ve been slacking off doing this Phd gig. Although the Phd thing is getting closer, and closer to completion soon I’ll be wondering what I’m going to do with myself. Anyway, I think by the end of the year there will be lots more writing going on from both of us. That’s all the hint you are going to get. No I have not sold a novel…but I might finish one or two or maybe three.

I did something weird and extraordinary last night though. Instead of vegging in front of Netflix, I came upstairs and started revising a novel I last looked at in November 2019. I am 31 pages in. Yay me. I thought it might shock Matthew to know that while he was in his office diligently working on his revisions, I was in mine next door. It was thrilling and exciting. This is a paranormal romance I’m working on for my Dani Kristoff name and is the sequel to The Sorcerer’s Spell, featuring werewolves and sorcerers set in Canberra (mostly).Anyway, I was excited because I deleted words, trimmed and crafted sentences and otherwise behaved in a writierly fashion. Sigh.

It felt so good.

In other news, we had a craftanoon here on Sunday and I got out the tiered platter for some high tea shenanigans. Yes, there were scones, jam and cream. I finished my first ever embroidery kit after maybe seven years…cough. We had loads of fun. It is the second one I have hosted and it was relaxed and lovely. I have had to slow down on the crochet due to elbow issues. Today though I felt the call of the garden and attacked the forest that is the yard with the weed trimmer and now I’ve crawled up here to my office to do some real work. Cough.

We don’t have rampant covid here so we can almost lead a normal life and do things like socialise carefully. I am very grateful for that. I probably won’t get vaccinated until later in the year when it’s my turn. Australia is only now rolling out the vaccines. I’m so pleased that people I care about in the UK and the USA are getting vaccinated.

Posted in A writer's life, am wrinting, Craft | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments »

A New Year and a lot of water under the bridge

February 16, 2021 by donnamareehanson

I keep thinking I will commit to blogging and then I don’t blog. I have ideas and then poof my mojo goes out the window. All the things I’ve neglected have piled up so that tackling them seems way harder than it actually is. I haven’t sent a newsletter. I haven’t updated my book links. I haven’t written or published anything in ages. I feel like a proverbial slacker. And what is worse that I feel like if I just pretend then no one will notice and I’ll stop feeling guilty. Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that.

I have to turn my mind to the positives though. I have been working on the Phd. I have been doing craft and baking bread and existing in the world. I’ve been exercising and losing weight. The garden was looking good but the weeds are coming back with a vengeance. Sadly. I’ve also tried looking for a job. Why? you ask. Renovations! Yes, we want to make this place pretty. I just want a new kitchen but that entails new floors. But that saga will continue throughout this year.

I lost a writer friend to melanoma in January and that hurt. She was younger than me and so talented and lovely. I was amazed how she could reach out to me and offer support when my dad died, when she was facing horrible uncertainty. We even tried to meet up and have a hug when I was transiting through Brisbane but with her treatment and my flight and logistics we couldn’t do it. Now Aiki Flinthart is gone. But her work will live on. Huge condolences to her family. Buy her books!

My fascination for doomscrolling has been curtailed by some kind of normalcy in the chaos. Pandemic looms large. Vaccines are being rolled out. We won’t get them here in Canberra until later in the year I think. Then we have to see how long the protection from the shots last for. I feel I am less fearful than I was and that’s probably due to Australia’s stance on keeping the country locked down and its citizens safe. I cannot imagine what it is like in the UK or the USA with the disease rampant.

In lieu of hours on social media, reading the latest bad news, I have discovered Duolingo and even signed up for the paid version when they had a special around Christmas. I doubt I’ll get to speak these languages fluently but learning and revising keeps the brain functioning and creates new pathways I think. I have studied Japanese and Spanish at university but alas never spoke it and lost my skills. Now with Duolingo I can practice and revive them. I have also dabbled in Italian and so I’m doing that as well. French is something I’ve wanted to learn but never got far at all so I’m doing that too. Irish because why not. Although the Irish language is hard, I figure with my mostly Irish heritage my ancestors probably spoke it. It is a way to discover my roots. I am trying Chinese and that’s the hardest. There is no slow button! Anyway, I’m finding it hard to keep them all going. I was trying Maori but that’s getting hard with apps either too advanced or stopping too soon.

I mentioned that I have been working on the Phd and my supervisor and I hope I will submit around July. I have some feedback to get before then and address. I have a presentation at the end of the month and then one in May (pre-submission). Then I won’t know what to do with myself. Hopefully once the mental load lessens I will feel more creative on the writing front. I hope the Phd has not driven the creativity from me fully.

Anyway, I must get to those book links so I can send the newsletter and they don’t do themselves.

Here are some pics of my craft projects over the last few months. Note I did not make the animals on the cake!

  • Doing the border
  • Complete baby blanket
  • New pattern
  • Finished baby shawl
  • Baby cake
  • Jungle theme (I didn’t do the animals)

And then there is

  • Chocolate Mousse cake
  • Shawl
  • Baby projects
  • Bubble stitch
  • Dragon scale shawl (proof of concept)

Posted in A writer's life, Cake decorating, Crafting, Crochet, Pandemic, Weaving | Leave a Comment »

Mid Pandemic Musing

September 24, 2020 by donnamareehanson

You can read too much news. I confess I’m a news addict but I don’t watch it on the square screen thank god. If you have a progressive outlook on the world and what we can become as humans then the world right now is depressing, sometimes overwhelming. It seems there is a fight over ideas, about what the basic rights of humans are and you get the picture. Throw Covid 19 in and that’s some foul smelling liquid right there.

We lost Ruth Bader Ginsburg this week and as happens when someone famous dies and you get to read a bit about their life. RBG’s life was amazing. There was someone who had the brains, the will and seized every opportunity. I am awed at what she achieved, starting out in a male dominated world.

Along a similar theme, I’m ready The Calculating Stars by Mary Robinette Kowal and I’m being blown away by how many contemporary notes it is hitting. It reminds me of Hidden Figures a lot, except Hidden Figures was set in the real world. The Calculating Stars is an alternate past in the same era. It picks up a lot of the themes from Hidden Figures, although the protagonist is white Jewish but she mingles in the world of black America in the rocket flying world and women ‘computers’. It goes deep into the established misogyny of the period, as well as the tech, the social mores and fashion and also discusses anxiety and how it is viewed by others. It also discusses climate on this planet. I haven’t finished it yet. I’m listening to it on Audible and the author reads the story herself and I find it enchanting. No wonder it won awards!

Both of these…the passing of RBG and The Calculating Stars remind me of the remaining misogyny alive today and the fight for women to be considered human, to be equal to have a say about our bodies and our reproductive rights is still ongoing. We can’t be complacent and let laws change and go back to the way they were.

There are positives arising from being socially isolated. Not many I agree, but one that gave me pause was the stop with the travel, the spending, the doing. I don’t have a high income but all of a sudden I had some money. First I spent it to help keep companies going. Books, toys etc. But it also made me realise how focused on consuming we are. That’s the basis of our economy. Spend, spend, buy, buy, produce, produce. The pandemic gave that a big shock. I knew this before, of course, but I couldn’t think of an alternative way as it seemed to me that we were so caught up in this capitalist/consumerist merry go around that we couldn’t get off. And now we were shoved off. I think we should hesitate before getting back on. In some ways we won’t have a choice. If like me you travel overseas on discounted fares…well I’m not sure there will be cheap trips for many years. I even wonder if I’ll be able to travel again. My son is flying out with his daughter back to overseas employment. His flights were $5000 each for economy seats. That’s a flight that might have been say $1200 return previously. I’ll try to be optimistic but I’m also being a realist.

Another aspect of being forced to stay home was the focus on the home and on family. Not only was there iso baking but iso gardening. But beware of watching too many Do It Yourself Videos. To some extent a focus on what was important. In Canberra, and in this house, we had a death, a passing of a loved one, bushfire smoke that made me think the apocalypse was here and we were forced to stay inside, then a ravaging hailstorm that wreaked havoc, actual fire threat and then Covid-19. This has happened elsewhere too. Parts of the USA are experiencing the fires, on top of the Covid-19. It is a trial.

It is hard to focus on the future, on dreams. For me though I’m focussing as much as I can on things I can control. My weight, my health, my family and so on. I had a bit of glitch last week as my GP didn’t want to refer me to the specialist about my knees but she did refer me for an xray. Today she referred me to the specialist as my xray showed issues that weren’t there before. I am happy with that but for a few days I thought she had taken control away from me and I reacted to that. I pay for private health cover these days so I have control over when things happen. So I’ll move forward on that at my own pace.

Creative wise I’ve stalled (again). I’m reading and stuff but I was disrupted last week (mostly due to the knee issues) and I haven’t put my feet on the ground yet. I’ve been socialising too, almost to pre pandemic levels. It’s weird. I’m going to visit a friend this afternoon for a cuppa and then in the morning I have pool exercise with another friend. Next week I am visiting Bourke with my son and a couple of my grandkids before he leaves.

What a year it has been. Nearly the end of September. Wow.

Posted in A writer's life, Pandemic | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

The happy spot

September 9, 2020 by donnamareehanson

After two posts of angst, I can now say I found a happy spot. Yesterday, I started on a new project-a middle grade book and I just felt all warm and happy inside. I was creating something new and it felt good. I wrote near 4000 words. I had written some notes on this idea when in England last year so I could just start writing it.

I did do some work on the Phd, appendices but not serious work. However, it did advertise to me that I really missed writing fiction. I still have revisions and stuff on other projects but I think I can do more than one thing at a time. Revisions on fiction, taking up edits on the exegesis and write something new.

I’m not actively hunting for more agents so that’s one less thing off my mind. I have many outstanding queries that will work themselves out over the next few months.

I started to tie up the loom today. It’s my first time on the floor loom and my back hurt but it’s a start. I’m still having trouble getting the winding of the thread just right so it is easy to thread through the heddles in the right order. But a start.

Today I’ve been going over what I wrote yesterday on:

Grandma Neebs : Through the pantry door.

It’s probably a ‘no no’ to go over the previous draft, instead of keeping on writing but I want to get the point of view right. I’m trying to get close in point of view, and the tone right. I think it’s helping. Also, I tend to rush through the plot because I have a voice in my head saying ‘don’t bore people’ but really I need to make the magic of the siblings work and let Grandma Neebs shine. I’m up to 5000 words now. Big smile!

That’s it for me. I’m in a happy place, focussed and working.

Posted in A writer's life, Floor loom, Middle grade fiction, Querying agents, revision, weaving | Tagged , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Looking for passion in all the wrong places

September 4, 2020 by donnamareehanson

I was chatting to my son this morning. He’s working remotely at the moment and has been since February. He works in the games industry and was up until midnight working and then played games until 1.30am. My comment was-you’re lucky you are passionate about your work.

And then I thought, why aren’t I feeling passionate at the moment? When I’m passionate about something, I can’t stop doing it.

I’m feeling flat and conflicted and I need to think about where my passion is.

I’ve been querying agents and that’s a passion killer for sure. The hope entailed in querying agents is not a passion killer. It can excite and motivate. However, it does take time and focus. Being a possible ADHD person, I get a little hyper focused. Lol. Maybe my passion is all hyper focus and I’m deluded.

I’ve put a damper on querying new agents at this time. The ones I have queried will wind up by December and then if it’s all a bit zero, I’ll think of my next steps for the Phd novel in the new year. I’m going to write down a strategy. It’s not a good time to try to sell something different! This was said to me by someone in the know and I think this is the spark to my downward spiral. I appreciate the bluntness and then I have to deal with the fallout. Even though I tell myself. It’s just this one book. You have others drafted and good ideas for new ones. Don’t sweat it.

But I do sweat it.

I don’t know how people can write and then try to sell their work. I mean it takes so much time, energy and focus that I can barely do anything else. That’s why agents are good (if you can get one) because they sell your books, in theory. But this is only part of my issue.

I’m in PhD land and I will get back to the next draft of the exegesis next week and that will last until December. I think I will find my passion there again once I warm up because I’m closer to the end!

I have a weaving project that I have yet to attack with gusto, a garden project that we will start working on again on the weekend and a few novels in need of revision and lots of ideas bubbling away. Distracting maybe? Actually having manuscripts to revise are a mixed bag of guilt and a kind of treasure. Guilty because you haven’t looked at them in years. Fear because you know how much work you need to get them to a publishable level and a bit of smug because you have WIP that you can whip out and sell or publish if you want. But the weight of guilt and workload do put a dampener on writing a new project. NaNoWriMo is coming up and I’m like I could start a new project! And my dizzy brain trucks out these unfinished ones and points. See those? Finish these you lazy cow!

Yesterday, I did work on a revision for a couple of stints (I’m nearly a third of the way through this SF Romance), and did a bit on the weaving project (dressing the loom is the physically difficult part) and bought things for the garden project (that I’m hoping other people will do the work), but I’m still feeling flat but not quite a lizard drinking flat.

You think I would be happy I achieved something right? No! Because it’s not good enough! I’m never good enough. I can always do better or more. Don’t you love that internal voice, the purveyor of doom, the blame-o-meter?

Is it just Covid-19, the state of the world (being into post-apocalyptic fiction the current world news is fuelling my imagination in a bad way) or just a personal down?

I told myself yesterday that at least I wasn’t on the couch watching the screen all day but really that’s not much of a pat on the back.

I love being passionate, being in the moment and zinging along with what I’m doing. It’s like a drug! A high.

But really writing is all about hard work. I love first drafts, revisions are okay if the ideas are still coming and third drafts are hard work but so important and part of the crafting. I think this is a stage where I always start getting new ideas and being frustrated. I start devising ways to work on multiple projects and I know this doesn’t work. To work on the second draft of the exegesis I had to do only that. No writing anything else. I had to let it fill up my mind so all I was doing was thinking about that. And because I haven’t finished the damn Phd yet, I can’t really start a new project. Hah! That’s definitely a problem for me.

Maybe I need one of those ‘what am I grateful? for moments. I’m in good health (except the knees!), my family are in good health, Canberra where I live has no active Covid-19 cases, we can go out (within reason and socially distance) and our incomes are pretty secure. We’ve just put a deposit on an EV car that should be here in 6 months. I should be disco dancing in the shower! I’m grateful for all of that but no dancing today.

I’m a confessed passion junkie! Or as my friend Alisa said to me last year-you know you’ve got ADHD right? And the light went on, but that passion junkie aspect is so much a part of me and I miss being deep into something. Even if it was just like five minutes ago when I stopped.

The thing is I’m looking for passion somewhere external but it’s in me. Circumstances conspire to dampen my passion and I need to realise it will be there when I want it, that I haven’t lost it–it’s on a short break. And it’s normal to be floaty between projects or periods of frenetic activity. It’s a natural balancing act that lets my passion ferment so I have some for the next thing, the next shiny thing, that I focus on.

I need to stop searching for my passion because it’s in me. There are plenty of things I am passionate about and that’s probably my issue. Too many things. Too many exciting things and only one lifetime.

Posted in A writer's life, Querying agents, revision | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

The continuing struggle to focus

September 2, 2020 by donnamareehanson

It’s the time of the pandemic. I’m not the only one to be swiped sideways with fear, with forced solitude and a mind that switches from baking to apocalyptic thoughts with each breath.

I try (am trying, will continue to try and tried) to be positive, to switch this situation into an opportunity. I managed to focus and work hard for weeks on my second draft of my PHD exegesis. Yay me! And then I decided to go on a short break for August an possibly into September. And that’s the snag. Freedom!

So from previous posts you can see I haven’t wasted my time completely (although that remains to be seen) as I’ve been querying agents in a time of turmoil, economic disruption and so on…Just so we are clear about the odds of success. This is not my issue. It’s being able to switch between tasks. Can I query an agent, work an hour on a WIP, do a bit of family history research and weave for an hour in a day? No!

I get into a groove so it’s only querying agents for hours…or going down a family history research wormhole. I bake bread but that’s about it. Why can’t I be focussed on other things too? I’m going to say here that I should do a schedule because I’m pretty good at sticking to them when I’m committed. But there’s the hitch. Commitment!

But maybe I’m being to hard on myself because I’ve got ideas. Ideas for new projects and they are good ones. One I’ve drafted an outline for, another is an idea I’ve had for years and suddenly got more ideas for so it’s actually starting to be a plot.

Why don’t I write the damn things? Give myself permission?

And that’s my issue. I’ve got excuses.

I’ve other projects in various states of progress. A first draft that needs a revision from scratch, a revision that I nearly finished last year that I started again, another novel that needs to be restructured into a duology, another project waiting to be revised. All these are novel length.

I used the excuse before that I must focus on the PhD until it’s done but you know I waste a lot of time not doing things. I’m not tutoring this semester and I’m probably not likely to get any more in future so the excuse that I’m brain dead or exhausted isn’t there. I’m home most of the time. What is my damn problem?

I feel I can’t go forward until I get this backlog addressed. But that’s probably not the right attitude. If I am thinking of selling then I should write the book that I think is the most commercial, the one most likely to succeed.

I was just chatting to my son about this and he was right in pointing out that it is the finishing that’s important. I like drafting novels but the hard part is the revision, the thinking, the reworking. And the more your write, the better you become.

I think this calls for a bit of soul searching. A bit of tapping into my passion and enthusiasm. I think I’m looking for hope as we all are. Maybe instead of a schedule I should set a number of time based goals. One hour of this, one hour of that and see how that goes. Yeah. I’m going to do that and see how it goes.

Posted in A writer's life, revision | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Bookish stuff and J D Robb

September 1, 2020 by donnamareehanson

To continue on from the last post about querying agents. I have for the first time in my life queried fifty agents (and counting). While things are yet to play out from the queries, the first swathe of the rejections or passes and the silences have happened. Silence is where the agent says if I want anything more I’ll let you know and forget about it after two weeks etc.

I have a strategy (somewhere in my brain) and some dot points to motivate me through this potentially soul-destroying process. The big question is what if I query 100 agents and not one asks for a partial? What does this mean? I think I’ll come to that when it comes but in this climate and with this book that might happen.

So the dot points for motivation to myself.

Someone will be interested in your book (agent, publisher etc)

One agent said submit something else so do that (I have others stuff)

It’s a tough time (all round)

I can submit again in six months (as I’m not in a big hurry this might be a thing)

After all the agents have passed, I can submit to publishers that accept unsolicited submissions.

Look out from some competitions to enter the book in (but check all the copyright stuff before you do)

Bear up! Keep working!

You can always think about revising the beginning.

Meanwhile I keep working and readings and focusing on the phd.

That leads me to what I’ve been reading (I’m also listening to books as well).

J D Robb ‘In Death’ series.

I love this series so much. J D Robb (Nora Roberts) always lives up to expectations. A flawless read to my mind.

I have just started Apprentice in Death and that’s like book number 43 I think. Brotherhood in Death, the previous book dealt with some pretty strong issues and attacked I think the college boy rape culture privilege. The murders were horrific and the descriptions made me squirm.

Why does Eve Dallas appeal to me as a character? We she’s strong, smart and dedicated for starts. I remember when I started the series back in 2000, how amazed and admiring I was of Robb to be discussing child sexual abuse and the things that happened to Eve Dallas as a child. At first it was a slow unpealing of the abuse, the revealing of layers of stuff hidden from her own mind and the nightmares as each book came out.

I started the series again as part of general reading for the PhD. In the later books, her past gets a mention in every book. The character of Dallas is a survivor of some pretty horrific stuff and sometimes the crime she investigates triggers internal conflict, more nightmares. New York to Dallas was a particular grind for both the main characters.

I like the character of Eve for many reasons but there are some kick arse ones. I think the books are very feminist and also challenge gender norms. Dallas, for instance, prefers to be called ‘Sir’ rather than ‘Ma’am’. If you compare to Janeway in Star Trek Voyager she preferred Ma’am or Captain but not sir,

Eve Dallas doesn’t do girl. It’s alien to her and I find that funny but also interesting. She is attractive and often has to get dressed up for functions with Roarke, but she doesn’t get shopping, do shoes, think about makeup and handbags. The handbag curiosity always has me laughing. She wonders what her friends put in this handbags like elephants. Dallas likes to look good when it’s called for but it’s not a priority, as it’s frivolous. Consider the way in which she treats Trina and the goop. It’s amazing they don’t tie her down to the chair in order to give her a facial.

Some of the in death books made me cry. When Crack’s sister died and he’s viewing the body. Sob! When Roarke meets his aunty in Ireland. Sob!

Issues that I think Robb does well or that are interesting in her future world are that guns are outlawed. Cops use stunners. It doesn’t mean people don’t kill but there isn’t this right to carry arms like there is now. Considering how the USA is with this right now, I think this particular concept is revolutionary. She has a past where there were urban wars and boy I can see this happening soon the way things are going in the here and now.

The other thing she has in this world is professional parenting payment. It recognises the main carer (not always the mother) is doing a job and gets a payment for it. I like that a lot.

There is tech-such as a device that identifies victims and another that estimates time of death. They also have’ seal it’, a substance that stops contamination of the scene. Although, criminals use it, too. Generally buildings have security but these are often compromised or removed during a crime. I don’t see a lot of surveillance cameras in Robb’s future New York in the streets etc. At times some shops might have some of the street, or a loading zone will have some. So nothing along the lines of what they have in the UK-there are cams everywhere. I often read the books and think what about surveillance cameras?

I don’t know how Roberts is so prolific. I read she has a work ethic and I am ashamed I’m not as busy as she is. I know don’t how she does it, but I’m glad she does.

Posted in A writer's life, reviews, SF romance | Tagged , , , , | Leave a Comment »

A Writer’s Life Post

August 26, 2020 by donnamareehanson

Writers write and they then need to find readers by being published somehow.

Right now I’m trying to get an agent for my PhD book. It’s a crap shoot as they say. I’ve tried this before in the past with other books. My first, Relic, which I never published but did kind of get an agent for but then decided to part ways mostly because the book was flawed. Then I tried for Dragon Wine and got feedback but no representation until after I cut a deal. I had an agent for Ruby Heart and the book never sold. So here I am trying again.

What is different this time?

My mental state

My preparation

The amount of resources available to assist.

Let’s start with my mental state. I still have impostor syndrome as usual but I’m not in the ‘I’m not worthy’ mindset I had early on in my writing and believe me it is not good to query agents when you are thinking like that because there are rejections and there is silence and that doesn’t help at all. It can make you depressed or at least reinforce those feelings. And there are reasons for rejections that have nothing to do with you or your work. Of course, there are rejections that have to do with your work (not you personally) and your query letter too, but we will assume not.

You might ask why am I querying now? I’ve been there and done that. Well I think I’ve written a break out novel. It’s a novel I would not have written without the research I’ve been doing with my Phd candidature in creative writing. However, I also believe it is going to be a hard sell because it’s different. I have to believe there is an agent out there who will understand it, or if that doesn’t work a publisher. Also, I’m not in a damn hurry. I’m not racing at this as if I need to publish this before I die as I did in the early days.

The bottom line is I accept I may not get an agent or a big five publisher but trying for it costs me nothing but my time and a little battering to my ego. I accept the worst case scenario. I say this but it doesn’t mean I have no hope or I’m not a stack of nerves and so on. This is a mental position I’m trying to maintain through the next few months.

My preparation is not just preparing my brain. The manuscript is written, edited, and checked again. I also had a sensitivity read done by a non-binary reader, which was really helpful and informative. I’m not saying that I won’t tackle the manuscript again and try to refine it. I think it’s good as it can be at the moment but if I get enough rejections where the query includes the first pages then I’m thinking I might have to look again.

I also had an idea who the top agents are so I had somewhere to start. I also prepped a spreadsheet, started to work on my query letter (after some quick research) and a synopsis. I also changed the labelling on my spreadsheet from ‘rejection’ to ‘pass’ because no one needs to see ‘rejection’ all the time to reinforce those negative feelings. Despite the mental preparation discussed previously, there are negative feelings. Such as this other person I know got an agent and I haven’t so my work must suck type thinking. Yeah, forget that stuff. You don’t know what they did, what they wrote, what the agent was looking for, what gap there was in the market or whether their book sold or will sell – so forget that crap. This is what I tell myself too.

What is also different this time is that there are a lot more resources out there to help you write a query, find an agent, research an agent and so on. I have a link to Agentquery.com on this site. I have used it before and it’s a start. My problem was that there were so many agents that I didn’t know anything about and whether or not I should approach them.

I went to an intensive writing workshop last year in Dublin. David Farland suggested that we sign up to writer’s marketplace and use the information on deals to target agents who are selling our genre, selling the big deals and so on. He made me believe it was possible for the first time in my life. Okay, maybe that was on overreaction but yeah…here I am trying it out. I’ts $25 US a month and you can quit anytime.

I did some quick research on the internet to refresh my mind about how to write a query letter. I sent out two queries to my top agents. Probably a big mistake because I needed to do more work on my query letter. Thank god I didn’t sent a shit query to 100 agents. My partner, Matthew, suggested I look at Query Shark and I’m all well I know what I’m doing but I did go there and on my God! That Janet knows her shit. I’ve read most of the archive and I learned heaps even about writing because the tips she gives apply to all writing. I’ve done 9 versions of my query letter, in addition to some agents that ask for things to be done differently. I’ve also sighed up for Query Tracker because it’s free and if I want to upgrade it’s like $25 US per year. I still have a spreadsheet and I’m keeping that.

Next thing is go to each agent’s website and read about which agent you should target for querying. Some of the good ones are closed to new queries and I’m like damn, so I either query someone else at that agency or leave them for another round. That sent me to Twitter to follow all the agents I could find because they often say it there first when they are open again. There is no shortcut here, you must do this: don’t just blanket send your query to everyone because they all require something different. Just a query letter or Query letter and synopsis, Query letter and sample pages, query letter and fifty pages as an attachment, no query letter just a synopsis etc. A few agents are using Query Manager forms and at least that way you get an email or you can check the link.

The bottom line here is there is no excuse not to write a good query letter and follow the requirements because the information is there and free. There are also blog interviews with agents and manuscript wish lists that can help.

I have been reading a lot of these agents’ pages and some I think I’d really like to work with them but I’m not getting my hopes up because there are many reasons why I might not get where I want to go. Not least is the current pandemic situation and the precarious economics surrounding that. Publishers Marketplace are publishing deals so I know they are happening but many may have been in train for some time and some new deals follow the market like non fiction books about Covid 19 and political memoirs etc.

I don’t know about you but I can’t bring myself to write a post-apocalyptic novel right now because we are living very close to one so I think it will be hard to sell one.

Years ago I tried to make a goal of getting 50 rejections because that meant I would have queried 50 agents. I think I stopped around 12 because I couldn’t cope. This time I might take 100 queries before I give up or am successful. My current count is 40 queries. I try to do a couple each day. I’m also trying to revise another project because I’m taking a short break from the exegesis. All this activity will wind back when I get back onto the PhD in September.

I’ve made mistakes too, even when trying to be careful. Called one agent by the wrong name, left out the sample pages, said something really stupid and so on.

The other thing to think about is the questions to ask an agent if they offer to represent you. At first I was dumbfounded. Then I tried to think up a few things. Agent Jim McCarthy has a tweet linking to a post on this. They are good questions.

Also I should note that this approach does not take away from the Indie publishing. It’s perfectly all right to choose that path if that’s what you want. I just think that this Phd Book won’t suit.

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It’s about time I put my head up

August 10, 2020 by donnamareehanson

Apologies for my absence. I’ve been head down working on the second draft of my exegesis to a deadline. The deadline was my supervisor going on long service leave until early 2021 and so if I wanted his feedback I had to get the damn thing drafted by mid-July. Phew! I made it.

The novel for my Phd was mostly done before, but I had a sensitivity read by a non-binary person and managed to make some changes while checking over the manuscript. For the purpose of the PhD that novel is done. It’s parked until it’s time to submit and copy edit etc. This means I am now free to try to shop it around. If it sells there will be two versions. The one I’ve parked won’t change and there will be a published version.

I’ve started the ball rolling on selling the novel. I have to mentally prepare for rejections and silence. On the bright side, I have a bit more time to work at a slower pace on the third draft of the exegesis so I’m taking a short break to work on other projects. I’ve been dabbling in family history and that’s so addictive. It’s like a puzzle game. I’ve had to stop now or so I tell myself. And I’m working on a science fiction romance I drafted years ago and I hope to get that into shape for submitting or publishing before I have to get serious with the PhD again. I have a few novels in progress and one I should be drafting but I can’t do it all with a PhD on the boil.

I’ve started the intermittent diet because wow social isolation, iso baking and sitting on my arse! Oh dear. I may not succeed but as I’m getting older, the weight just goes on quickly.

My son has been staying with us and hopefully will be able to return home to China soon. He works and lives there. It has been lovely to have him around and he cooks too so ‘oh dear’.

I’m hoping that y’all are coping okay with the pandemic restrictions. I feel like I don’t have friends anymore. It’s weird. There’s Facebook and stuff but it still feels distant and strange. The restrictions in Canberra are easing but with the outbreak in Victoria and New South Wales I can’t help but be fearful and careful about exposure. It is also gut wrenching when I come up against the Covid-19 conspiracy stuff. I’ll just not start on that.

I chose not to participate in the New Zealand World con, mostly because I was head down and busy but I anticipated stress so bowed out. I was a member but I didn’t attend. I’m sad for New Zealand. What a blow!

This time last year I was at David Farland’s fantasy workshop in Dublin the week before Worldcon.

Anyway, I’ll leave you with a picture of this bread I made. I sort of made up the recipe and the method. I used a biga (preferment) but only a part day but man did it get big. Bigger than my head.

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