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Archive for the ‘am wrinting’ Category

Trying to balance all the things

Posted in A writer's life, All the things, am wrinting, Australian author, Being organised, Creative passion, Trying to focus, tagged , , , , on May 9, 2024| Leave a Comment »

I’m sure everyone has issues trying to do all the things.

I was saying to Matthew how hard I was finding working, writing and exercising and balancing between them. That doesn’t include all the other things such as social activities, reading, housekeeping and well thinking. Matthew said he was finding it hard as well.

I currently work three days a week. Lately, I’ve been a bit tired after work. I think it’s the cold. I am doing writing related stuff but not drafting so much. That I do on Thursdays and Fridays and on the weekend when I get some time.

I should say our house currently resembles a tip. We have been focussing on writing etc. I think we need to correct this on the weekend as I find chaos stressful.

I have to say while I am still feeling very energetic and enthusiastic I am struggling with balance. This week has been a bit unusual though. The kitten bit my foot and because I have metal in my knees I have to be careful of infection. And as I’m allergic to penicillin-based antibiotics and there wasn’t much to choose from I had to take sulphur-based ones that make me feel ill. Headache, nausea and tiredness mostly. I’m still on Flagyl. Grrr to the kitten. Both cats are now banned from the bedroom.

A typical Thursday for us is I get up and do some writing (I get up way earlier than Matthew) and then we go to the pool. I do aqua aerobics, Matthew does laps. Then we do the pensioner lunch thing at our local club before we head to the National Library to write. On Thursdays the reading room stays open until 8. We usually leave around 5 or 6 but that’s it. Light dinner afterwards. Friday I write and maybe socialise.

I’m also in a novel crit group, so I’m reading a draft novel a month. I get this month off as my novel is being critted in June. I listen to books, currently The Underhistory by the amazing Kaaron Warren. I’m reading through Ruby Heart to pick up typos and refresh myself on the characters etc. I’ve started a file for Amber Rose, the third book in the series, in Scriviner. I’m reading it aloud so that takes time. I’m nearly done and then I’ll start on Emerald Fire. I drafted two short stories in the last week for my Robot Heart collection. They need more work. I’ll need to pull all the stories together and get moving. I think I’ll relegate short stories to the weekend.

Today, I’m going to write fresh words on a couple of WIPs, Lightning Strike, the next magical/werewolf story following from The Changeling’s Curse and another project I’m not too sure about which I’m 10,000 words in.

Theoretically I know there’s this concept called pacing but I never understood it.

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Getting on with business

Posted in A writer's life, All the things, am wrinting, Creative passion, revision, tagged , , , , on April 29, 2024| Leave a Comment »

I’m writing this post because the story I’m working on won’t open on my Mac. I’ve decided to take a breather before getting upset about it.

I’m really pleased with how my reengagement with writing is going. I’m spending part of every day in my office. A big hurdle.

Yesterday, I lobbed a children’s book manuscript at a publisher who had open submissions. Yay! And about two weeks ago I lobbed a 100,000 word manuscript to another publisher. That’s two manuscripts that had a lot of work put into them. I arrived home on February 29 and today is April 29. So that’s two months and a lot of work. I’m so proud of myself and I’m so happy that I enjoyed it. I work 3 in my day job days a week.

I thought I’d use this evening to write some new words. Alas I can’t. But I probably need to check I don’t have the document opened on my laptop. Hehe before I start doomsaying about lost documents.

It is really interesting that I’m starting to trust myself again. Instead of thinking -that rewrite/revision is going to take months…a year- I decided that I was kidding myself. I could do it much faster than that if I just got on with it. I had one goal, which was the novel crit group that Canberra Speculative Fiction Guild is running. I needed to get the bigger novel polished and ready. I had a structural edit on that already so I had been putting off tackling that.

With the children’s book, I had such lovely encouragement from my friend, Angie, that I just knuckled down again and concentrated on it. Being shorter it didn’t take as long. The read through was tougher though because I kept tinkering.

On my agenda is also writing a strategy and plan.

Projects

I have several/many other projects in progress either on paper or in my brain.

The Lightening Strike. I’m writing a new novel in the Cursed Ones/Spellbound world. Uniting them in Sydney. It should be fun. I’ve started that one. That document does open and is currently 15,000 words.

A Choice for Louisa (using another pen name). A kind of Regency novel/series/ not quite sure I can nail it project. If I could open the document I’d tell you how far along I am. About 5000 words maybe.

The Tainted Lady is a Regency romance. I have two lots of beta reader feedback and at 90,000 odd words it’s a big job to get stuck into that. I’d thought I’d start on that in May and see how I go. That will be the final revision I think before I decide what to do with that.

Robot Hearts SF short story collection. I have one maybe two more stories to write. One has been drafted. The rest are written. Part time project. I think.

Amber Rose is in the planning stage. I did write the first chapter long hand and lost the note book. I’m currently rereading Ruby Heart and then Emerald Fire to get reacquainted with the characters, their descriptions while at the same time fixing typos. I am using Scrivener for this one so it’s set up in there.

Into the Dark Glass is a YAish/steampunkish portal fantasy/that I have started to restructure. The sequel Dark Lady Rises is just a twinkle in my eye. My agent at the time didn’t like Into the Dark Glass and couldn’t tell me why. I have spent about eight years mulling it over. (There was a PhD in the middle of that). I don’t have an agent atm.

I have an SF novella that is is feminist SF but I need to get that out and dust it off. I might publish that this year.

I also have a crime novel I want to write but I need to do more thinking on that. Once I’ve cleared my plate a bit I think. There is also ideas for prequels and sequels to series I have already published.

Administration wise

I’ve got a newsletter and I’m not afraid to use it in May.

I’m still setting up the shop on this website. Slacker that I am.

I’ve put Awakening on special and listed it on a newsletter.

And am keeping my accounts up to date.

Travel

I’ll be popping of to NZ in May for five days for family reason.

I’m going to RWA in August in Adelaide (just need to get my ticket)

I’ll be at Fiction and Friction in Adelaide in October (after I get back from Rarotonga and NZ). I’m currently working on my preorder form.

I’d like to visit Perth in November if I can.

Mental State

I fear the above might make you think I’m a freak. I’m sure there are other people who are much more productive than me or who have more project in the offing or stuff on their mind.

Also it was my birthday yesterday. Yay me!

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I promised photos from the trip

Posted in A writer's life, am wrinting, Newsletters, Travel, UK, Warhammer, tagged , , , , on April 18, 2024| 2 Comments »

I feel like a slacker but I have been busy. There’s so much going on, so much to write about. We’ve been back six weeks. It feels like a short time and a long time. I’ve been back at the day job and writing.

Now writing doesn’t just mean writing. I’m doing a bit more than that and writing admin takes time. But the good news is that I’m getting there. My newsletter has been sadly neglected and I will end up losing most of my subscribers with the last one I sent out. But it’s my own fault because being a slacktard! Lesson-Don’t stop sending newsletters! Because you get restricted to only those who interact with your newsletter in the last 90 days.

Next thing is picking up subscriptions for Bookfunnel, setting up my store (in progress), reducing the price of Awakening to $0.99 USD (check out the link in my books) and then getting in various newsletters etc. I’d really like to write a sequel to this story but i’ve got no reviews and it’s not selling and I don’t know why. Mind you I don’t advertise but that’s crazy these days, particularly on Amazon.

What have I been working on? Sihem, now called The Founders’ Legacy has been revised, reworked and will go to the CSFG novel crit group next month. Meanwhile I’ll start trying to put it on submission. I’m also working on a kids’ fantasy, Grandma Neebs: Through the Pantry Door. I had some lovely and encouraging feedback on this book. This, too, I will put on submission. It’s middle grade and around 43,000 words. I have a couple of things in drafting stage. A paranormal romance that links into by two series, Spellbound in Sydney and The Cursed Ones. I am also writing something else for a new pen name. Plus there is a backlist of stuff that needs revising/restructuring etc. My next project will be Amber Rose, in the Cry Havoc Series. We shall meet with Jemina and Fulton yet again. This time they are up against evil machines. Meanwhile I’m rereading Ruby Heart and Emerald Fire to make notes for Amber Rose. I’m also picking up typos so will fix them soon. I’m thinking of doing a paperback version of these.

Now for the photos.

This is the River Trent, Nottingham, in flood. It rained a lot before we got to England and more while we were there and it was still raining when we got home. I thought the submerged bench spoke volumes.

While in Nottingham we took a day trip to Cromford and Buxton, because there were bookstores there. This is Scarthin in Cromford. Cute town too. Below is a pond and tree opposite the bookstore.

That’s me walking into Scrivener’s bookshop, Buxton. I’m wearing my very warm Macpac coat. It was a godsend. Pity I’d spent a lot of money in Scarthins.

My bad but I can’t remember which shop this was in. Forgive me, I’m getting old. Matthew will probably know as he has a functioning brain. Lol.

By the way, Buxton is a pretty town. Apparently, the Dukes of Devonshire was wanting to make it rival Bath so there is some amazing Regency architecture there. It is also very hilly so some great views. If only I could paint.

In Nottingham we visited Warhammer World twice. Matthew was trying to connect with his editor but we had no luck as his emails went to spam. However, we had fun. Bought stuff and went to look at the gallery. I’ve posted pictures from this before. Actually my most popular images in the life of my blog. It used to be free but now you pay a small amount. But it’s now huge and amazing. Here are some shots.

I took this shot of Angron, because it was cool, of course, and because Matthew wrote a story about Angron in After Desh’ea, appearing in Tales of Heresy. The final masterpiece was a huge room for one diorama featuring the attack on a planet.

I should mention we took my son and grandson to Warhammer shop in Singapore, Katong to be precise. My son has painted some awesome miniatures but then he’s artistic.

And finally for this set of photos, me with Marc Gascoigne at a restaurant in West Bridgeford, Nottingham. Matthew took the photo. I have no idea what Marc is doing. Oh well. We’ve known Marc a while and he first published Matthew when he headed up Black Library. It was great to see him again. The food was good too.

Of course, there are more photos and I’ll try to put more up over the coming weeks. We stayed in a delightful village outside of Lincoln. Now I’m using it in a story.

Next time!

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Keeping on keeping on

Posted in A writer's life, am wrinting, Creative passion, revision, Trying to focus, tagged , , , on September 2, 2023| Leave a Comment »

This is a follow up to my accountability post.

I am still writing, regularly and rediscovering my joy in writing. It feels great.

No huge new project just yet. I’ve been revising drafts of works I started a while ago. I’ve sent Tainted Lady, my Regency romance novel off to a beta reader. I think it needs more work but beta reader comments help with that.

I’m currently revising a middle school kids book, called Grandma Neebs through the pantry door. It’s fun but also new learning for me. I do read kid’s books to research but writing them is an art. I have a beta reader lined up for that one, I just need to put my shoulder to the wheel. It’s relatively short so I hope I can knock it over before we travel.

I’ve also been writing short stories-I received a rejection this week. This means looking for a new market. I entered a contest and I have another story submitted. I don’t write a lot of short stories generally only I have found they help get the buzz going. Finishing a short story is great. Sending it out is great. Rejections not so much but I tell myself at least I’m writing regularly.

Even if it is only 30 mins in the morning before I start work or 30 mins when I finish work, it’s something. Today I’ve been at it a few hours and have now detoured to the blog.

That’s the challenge with writing, striking a balance between family, social outings, work and writing. To write a lot, you have to sacrifice, unless you can find a balance. I’m searching for that balance.

We have also found making time with ourselves to write at the National Library really useful and productive. Unfortunately, I’ll be working full time and then travelling so I’ll have to rebalance again. I’m hoping it will be easier this time because I’ve found some joy.

Best

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I’m back baby! New knees.

Posted in A writer's life, am wrinting, Australian author, Edits, Regency romance, revision, tagged , on July 21, 2023| Leave a Comment »

The knee surgery was nowhere near as bad as I expected. I had definite ideas about the amount of pain I would be in because I had surgery on my knee for a tumour 14 years ago, which was excruciating. This was different. The pain management was brilliant. Not being in excruciating pain makes recovery so much better. I had partial knee replacements and they are far less brutal than total knee replacements, if my recovery is anything to go by.

What type of pain relief did I get? I had an epidural, I had nerve blocks in both thighs, I had Palexia slow release, panodol and also if I needed Endone or Parlexia rapid release. I think getting the epidural and the nerve block was the ouchiest part prior to going into theatre. Moving too, also, was not entirely comfortable post-surgery but basically I was surprised at how little pain I was in. And the staff had me up and walking the next day. The nerve blocks lasted for four days and by then I was over the worst apparently. I think the hardest thing was coming off the high grade opioids like Palexia slow release. I didn’t even notice I was taking them until I stopped. After two weeks on them I had withdrawals and felt like crap for a few days.

Other issues besides getting used to the legs and what they could and couldn’t do, was being restless at night without the meds. These days though I’m not restless at all or on meds much. Sometimes I take panodol and more often just heat packs. I went to rehab and that helped a lot. It was an outpatient rehab program at the hospital twice a week-one hour in the gym and one hour in the pool doing hydrotherapy for five weeks after week 3. I also had to take a trip across the ditch to New Zealand to see family.

Anyway, close to normal now and I’m in week ten. The scars take time to mature and I have swelling around the knees, but a big thumbs up to partial knee replacements. I would have to have waited years for total replacements, while I marked time for the other parts of my knee wear out. Now I feel kind of spritely again and I’m able to write a lot sooner than I thought I would.

I’ve been writing short stories. Two.

Revising a Regency romance I drafted before I started the Phd so last looked at in 2016. I’ve been revising this for a while.

Drafting a new paranormal romance, featuring Gene Cohen from the The Cursed Ones series and a new witch called Lily DeVere. This kind of makes it a cross over between the Spellbound in Sydney series.

I’ve got lots on my plate in the drafted to be revised, restructured to the yet to be drafted categories. Once I have my head in the right space I’ll work out a timetable and commit some time, particularly the Phd novel and research. The catch is I’m back at the day job and there is only so much time I can spend on the computer due to back/neck issues.

In other news too, Matthew and I are heading to Tasmania in October for Terror Australis, including a week’s writing retreat, workshops and the festival featuring Ann Cleeves and Gary Disher. Website here. This is after we come back from Bali and Singapore so a busy time ahead. I’d like to write some crime fiction-it’s one of my favourite genres. Let’s face it I love all genre fiction.

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Touching passion

Posted in A writer's life, am wrinting, Beta reading, Book cover, Creative passion, tagged , , , , , on April 3, 2022| Leave a Comment »

I am back here again blogging. Not year long wait this time.

Since I blogged last I’ve been making a concerted effort to reengage with my creative writing.

I booked to go the Australian Romance Readers Awards in Sydney at the end of April. I’m not up for an award or anything (not having published anything in the last couple of years) but I want to reengage with the scene, with other authors, some of whom at great buddies. And it’s a great event, at a great venue and Matthew and I will enjoy ourselves.

The next thing I did was actually get out some manuscripts. I have a middle grade book I’m writing so I reviewed what I had written so far and extended the story a bit. I have a lot of works in various stages of progress. I targeted two novels that have been almost there for a while. The science fiction one, Awakenings, I reviewed and then sent to beta readers. That was a massive milestone for me.

On Saturday, I also shared a table to sell books at the Geek Markets here in Canberra. Again, this was to help me get back into my writing groove. It’s not all just about drafting, revising and editing. There’s actual promotion, selling and getting into the scene. I had an okay day. I sold books, talked about my books and answered questions about my books. I hung with fellow writers, some I haven’t seen in two years.

I wore a mask most of the time and I’d say about 30 per cent of the people I saw walking past had masks. They don’t have to wear them, but there are still a lot of Covid around. I seriously like Canberra geeks. I have now put in to book for Gammacon in Canberra in July. (I hope I managed to snag a table)

Anyhow, something in what I’ve done appears to have worked. Today, I started working on The Changeling Curse, the sequel to The Sorcerer’s Spell, a paranormal romance, very spicy. Something happened. I am sharing the covers with you below. They have been languishing for so long for me to put the words with them.

Today, I fell into writing, editing etc and entered the ‘zen’ zone. I call it the zen zone because everything around me disappears. I lose track of time. I go into the space where my story is unfolding. I feel excitement. It’s like a drug. I just want more and more. This feeling kept going. I did lose track of time. I had an appointment and shamefacedly realised that I’d been absent. I went out and then I came back and started writing again. And the zen zone came back. I am so excited by this. I have passion again. I feel like I did when I first discovered writing. It feels so amazing.

I can’t describe how happy and invigorating this makes me feel. Now instead of setting goals like ‘half hour a day on a manuscript’ I’m setting myself goals ‘take a break before you wreck yourself.’ For so long I was in a creative desert.

I’m really grateful to my writing buddy Lily Mulholland. She beta read The Changeling Curse for me and also made comments and suggested edits. These small things, which probably took her a lot of time, have been amazing. I feel like I can do this. I feel like I’m a writer again.

I could probably look back on the last month or so and see other activities that have helped me reinvigorate my passion. I beta read for two authors. I sat down with Kaaren and talked about her story. We brainstormed ideas for the plot. I said to her… Gee I feel like I’m a writer. I also beta read another story and it somehow turned me back onto excitement of creating stories. These small things were stoking the flames I think. I did not think I’d feel this enthusiasm again. I kept wondering what I was going to do with myself if I didn’t write. My future seemed bleak. Now it doesn’t anymore.

I had to share this with you all. I have my passion back. I want to weep with the joy of it. I hope it doesn’t go away again.

Here are the covers that I have had for years. I hope to get these books out this year.

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Sometimes you think you are unproductive and you’re not

Posted in A writer's life, am wrinting, Australian author, Book launch, Publication news, tagged , , , , , on March 14, 2021| Leave a Comment »

I keep thinking that I’ve been doing this PHD for years and I haven’t written anything creative in ages. That’s a big fat lie!

In the early years of my PhD I put out a lot of books. I also republished books that I had received the rights back from publishers. I call bull on my thinking there.

Then, you know this is a creative writing PhD that I’m doing and I have written a novel. Isn’t a novel a creative piece of work? Well, yes, I say, it is. It may not be published yet but that does not mean it doesn’t exist.

That doesn’t count, part of my brain says…but what about that short story you wrote last year and that was published in late December? Mmmm???

I wrote a short story! I was productive! Evidence.

Okay I’m not productive all the time….right…and maybe I have high expectations…maybe I look on jealously as friends launch books and post about word counts…

I am too hard on myself. I often thing my kids are harsh critics of me, but I think I err. I am my harshest critic!

I do have manuscripts that are sitting there waiting for the final run through…They stick like a knife between my shoulder blades, sending their angry, neglected thoughts into my skin. I will get to them.

Anyway….about that short story. Crash Baby appears in Unnatural Order, an anthology published by CSFG publishing and edited by Alis Franklin and Lyss Wickramasinghe. The premise of the anthology was to write in a non-human voice or from a non-human perspective. Crash Baby is written from the perspective of a maintenance robot. The story was inspired by my new baby granddaughter and the long hours where I helped care for her in her first year. I also have lots of robot story ideas….I feel a collection coming on one day.

A first for me is that I share the Table of Contents with my partner Matthew Farrer who wrote about monster love. Here is the blurb!

Is an unlikely friendship enough to save a human and a voidbeast?
Can a robot’s heart be broken?
What happens to the demons when all the humans are gone?
Can dishonest hearts find peace?

By all accounts a very good line up so go check it out.

Unnatural Order

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Change like a punch in the face

Posted in A writer's life, am wrinting, Craft, tagged , , , , , on February 23, 2021| 2 Comments »

It is not possible to fight change. you have to roll with the punches. One minute you think you are heading this way and the next something alters, a new path arises and whammo, your future looks different.

I can’t really talk specifically about this change because while it affects me it’s not my news. We were going to refiniance and borrow heaps of $$$$ to renovate our house. We were almost there to signing when something changed and now we aren’t going through with it. I’m not upset or annoyed. We will be fine, but it does mean some short term stress to effect a positive change in our lives.

My partner is a writer. He gets paid and he has been writing while I’ve been slacking off doing this Phd gig. Although the Phd thing is getting closer, and closer to completion soon I’ll be wondering what I’m going to do with myself. Anyway, I think by the end of the year there will be lots more writing going on from both of us. That’s all the hint you are going to get. No I have not sold a novel…but I might finish one or two or maybe three.

I did something weird and extraordinary last night though. Instead of vegging in front of Netflix, I came upstairs and started revising a novel I last looked at in November 2019. I am 31 pages in. Yay me. I thought it might shock Matthew to know that while he was in his office diligently working on his revisions, I was in mine next door. It was thrilling and exciting. This is a paranormal romance I’m working on for my Dani Kristoff name and is the sequel to The Sorcerer’s Spell, featuring werewolves and sorcerers set in Canberra (mostly).Anyway, I was excited because I deleted words, trimmed and crafted sentences and otherwise behaved in a writierly fashion. Sigh.

It felt so good.

In other news, we had a craftanoon here on Sunday and I got out the tiered platter for some high tea shenanigans. Yes, there were scones, jam and cream. I finished my first ever embroidery kit after maybe seven years…cough. We had loads of fun. It is the second one I have hosted and it was relaxed and lovely. I have had to slow down on the crochet due to elbow issues. Today though I felt the call of the garden and attacked the forest that is the yard with the weed trimmer and now I’ve crawled up here to my office to do some real work. Cough.

We don’t have rampant covid here so we can almost lead a normal life and do things like socialise carefully. I am very grateful for that. I probably won’t get vaccinated until later in the year when it’s my turn. Australia is only now rolling out the vaccines. I’m so pleased that people I care about in the UK and the USA are getting vaccinated.

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The deed is done

Posted in A writer's life, am wrinting, Dark fantasy, Dragon fantasy, Dragon Wine, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , on June 19, 2018| 2 Comments »

Yesterday, I sent the manuscript of Moonfall to the editor. That is the last installment in the Dragon Wine series. It’s been a huge undertaking to get it ready, considering I only drafted it in January.

In finishing a series, I have looked back over the time I’d been writing the series and it has been 15 years. I haven’t been writing only Dragon Wine in all that time, but that’s when it started.

In 2003, I was living on a small vineyard, growing grapes. It was there the ideas flowed while I pruned the grapes, sprayed them and mowed the rows between them. You can see where my ideas came from, right?

I’m excited that the series is finished. I am also sad, too. I won’t be writing Salinda anymore or Garan or Danton. I know there are more stories in the setting and maybe when the time is right I will write them.

I met with Russell Kirkpatrick today to discuss the map for Moonfall. He had some very cool ideas and I’m so excited. I’ve drawn a map but he’s going to transform it into an artifact.

Many people have supported me during the last 15 years. This support ranged from a general pat on the back and encouragement to keep working to feedback on early drafts and the later ones. I spent a good deal of Sunday writing thank you to all those people.

Writing is a solitary business. You have to write the book. But having friends and being surrounded by people who get what you are doing are like fertilizer. They help you grow, support you when you’re sad and celebrate your victories. I have so many people to thank.

What am I going to do now? Let me see. There’s this PhD thing I’m supposed to be doing. In the next six months, I have to rewrite and then rewrite my PhD novel. I also have to draft my exegesis and then rewrite that a number of times. I am hoping to have something submit worthy for next year. I imagine I’ll be doing more revising and stuff next year, too. I will be tutoring some of second semester too. Maybe I’ll earn enough to pay back all the money I spent last semester. Hahaha!

Today, I did something a bit strange. I had this moment where I just hated my hair. I was going to get it chopped off- you know crew cut style. I chickened out and veered away from the hairdressers. Then I got the idea that I could revert to my old hair, which was a bob. I did that, then I went to get some coloured rinse. It will wash out. But see below. Pink hair. See you next time. I may be blue or purple or red then.

Pink hair donna

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It started with a glitch

Posted in A writer's life, am wrinting, Australian author, Dark fantasy, Dragon fantasy, Dragon Wine, Editing, epic fantasy, grim dark, Grim dark fantasy, Indie Publishing, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on May 10, 2018| Leave a Comment »

This blog post is brought to you by systems failure. I have marking to do but the Uni’s website is down and all marking is in the computer system so damn…I also have face to face marking from 12 but that has a work around. I can’t even access my schedule. So either I’m going to sit there or the system is coming back on line and I’ll know when it is over.

This blog post is brought to you by a glitch…I think that would make an excellent short story title for the domino effect of a glitch and the end of the world. I’m sure someone has already written that. But there would be on evil overlord because the necessary spreadsheets for world domination would be inaccessible.

This post is going to be about writing. If that bores you look away now.

I’m currently revising or tidying up the first draft of Moonfall, which is the last part of the Dragon Wine series. This is a daunting task. You see the draft was written by a mad woman who obviously had no idea of continuity. I was suffering from RSI and some sort of brain fugue at the time of drafting and I wrote it in half hour sessions…and it shows.

I am up to chapter four. Oh man I want to kill this MS. I want to stab it in the heart. I want to pull my hair out. I wail into the darkness – why am I doing this?!

It’s painful. I can’t tell you why apart from the above. I have to think to fix the ms just to get it to beta readers. Then when they tell me what’s shit about the draft I have to think again and fix it. Then I send it to the editor who will no doubt tell me how completely shit it is again and I’ll have to take vitamin pills and think up some more stuff.

Why? Why am I doing this? Writing fiction? Writing any goddamn thing? I must be completely mad. I could be sewing or vegging in front of the tele or reading a book or drinking tea with friends.

If this sounds familiar to you then I am not alone. If you haven’t been through this then maybe you’ll recognise the signs at some stage. If you write perfect drafts without pain and are marvellous and gorgeous I could hate you.

I have to face the music. I was happy with the draft when I drafted it. It was the final instalment and I thought it kicked ass (arse!) but in the cold light of revising I can see so much wrong with it I want to cry. I don’t cry though, I get ranty.

Here I am ranting!

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